Tagged!!

1) I am deeply in love at this moment. It is hard to wonder how we fell in love so instantly!!

2) My mind can never be put to rest. I pray that it wont suffer from any brain damage in future.

3) It is my dream to have my own family. It need not be a big one, but happiness must exists.

4) I am eyeing a new unit of Xbox360. Saving hard to get one soon.

5) I am expecting a change in my job scope. It may more demanding, but could prove to be an eye -opener.

6) I have lost some good friends, but there are others who makes me treasure their friendship even more.

7) My mum is closest to me. It is saddening that she is hearing impaired and I hope to do more for her to repay her love for me.

The Heat is On

I wonder how is everyone doing? Thanks for Dalicia's wild guess that I will be hitched. But, there is still no special lady who has surfaced. My colleagues are more anxious to source for my potential gfs though. Since my last posting, I have not met more than 5 different people for any dates nor gatherings. Everyday is either work or home. Has the interest of knowing more people declined? Even my frens never know what I am thinking or they perceive that I am the guy whom will solve any problems steadily. How I wish for that someone who I can speak my heart out to come by.

There was a movie named "Hitch" by Will Smith today. He was hurted deeply by his first love and decided to be a love consultant to help those seeking true love. But, another lady whom he loved assumed that he was helping guys to cheat ladies. Working as a columnist, she published about his occupation to create awareness among ladies. Little does she knows that he only helps guys by making them realised that their true love is within their grasp using their sincerity. I have encountered many relationships around me. Some couples are easily attracted to each other, while the others put in so much effort to make things work. I missed out on one chance a long time ago, which made me believe so much in fate. Although that lady knows my intentions now, we cant change our present. If I had made that move, probably things would be better. Nevertheless, she has become my morale support.

My work appraisal is approaching, as well as my mid year exams. I hope my recent project work could get me a better appraisal. Getting my 1st increment in this current job would make all my hard work worthwhile.

Back on track

Time really flies... It is a month since I last blogged. Is anyone disappointed by not being able to read my updates, as I do noticed my visitors count is still increasing? I wasnt away for any special reason, just leading a simple life with work and no enjoyment. After the last problematic friendship I got into, I have not met Jo since then. I hope she is happy with her loved one. She does sent me an sms occasionally, but I just feel enough is enough.

Last dec exam results were released last month. I managed to pass the retake paper, but failed another one. Revision class should be sufficient for me to retake this one with some self study as well. Nevertheless, my parents were happy for me and encouraged me to go on.

2 days ago, I was chatting with a fren on msn. I know her for about 6 months. We intended to meet, but she reconsidered and opt not to. She explained to me her reason for doing so. She didnt want to meet any guy, if she feels he wont be a potential bf. According to her analysis, I am a great guy with several ladies to choose to be with. That really amazed me. I did clarified that I never had any option but the ladies do. I never expect one meeting to develop many thoughts in her.

My company is distributing a variable bonus for our hard work of 2006. I am expecting a pro-rated payout, about 2/3 to be receivable. The last performance review was okay for me, which means I should be looking forward to more $$$. There are rumours that I would be getting overseas exposure soon. Till now, nothing has been finalised.

All about Expectations

3 days have passed, since Piggy started serving its one year bond. Hee.... My family and I visited a few places to give out red packets to our relatives' children. Not many people gave me and my brothers red packets, as we are working adults. Some relatives are asking the same questions year after year, reflecting their ignorance. They assumed that things should develop according to their forecasts. Any changes would not be acceptable to them.

Last year, they were told that my 4 year relationship has ended. They were unhappy that they couldnt see her before we ended. This year, they were curious why I dont have a stead. If I do have a stead, they expect us to settle down within one year. If I dont settle down, they would say I am fooling around. If I am fooling around, they would say I am not young anymore. If I want to remain single, they would tell their children not to follow my footsteps. They are the prosecutors and I am the accused on the stand.

When it's time for a small gambling session, I would opt out. By not joining their game, they would spite me with indirect remarks that I am stingy. I am silent, but my ears are opening wide. I would rather donate to any charity than lose a single cent to them. Despite their "pulling" efforts, they still cant get me involved. :P

There were some new faces around. One of my cousins brought his gf to see my grandparents. She was accessed as a pre-candidate for Miss Singapore Universe 2007. The panel of judges was formed by my aunties. They judged based on body beauty, speech ability, character and qualification. Fortunately, I dont have to cast my vote to support anyone. Lol.

It could well be her last

This is a special day for lovers. This occasion was more significant for the last 5 years. I couldnt resist the thought of making her day sweeter by sending my ex a bouquet. When I reached office this morning, I am still wondering if the delivery was made to her last evening. Her "thank you" sms answered my curiosity. At that moment, I could feel that she was smiling.

A 2nd sms came from her. She didnt like the idea of me sending her bouquet and it wont be a good cause for reconciliation between us. Can she be more tactful in her wordings? I forgive her immaturity for deriving that statement, but assured her that it was a simple gift to make her day pleasant. Her self-centred character would not appreciate romantic items. Neither am I going to plead for more sarcasm in future years.

There was another person whom I could please and get her appreciation. She was indeed surprised to see my gift on her work desk this morning. I was discreet in my moves. Lol. Before the day was over, she handed me a box of sweet chocolates. Too sweet that I dont have the heart to try it. Hehe. Different ladies, one after another, in my dept received bouquets from their own bfs. Everyone was a winner, especially the suppliers.

Can work be so important forever??

It should have been a pleasant evening with her. Having waited slightly more than a year for this meal with her, I had her assurance a few days ago that she could make it. This morning, I was in high spirits. Mum was informed I wont be having dinner at home. She guessed I had a date with her. Past noon, I received her sms. She had last min work asking to postpone the date to probably Monday. The word probably appeared bigger than the other wordings in her sms. Can I say no to her? I had to accept, just like in the past. She never compromise whenever her work is involved. If I say I must meet her, she will just ignore me. I didnt have the right to choose. The only route I was given, was to leave her alone and suffer in silence.

I couldnt let myself down for just one incident. The urge to go shopping came. I went to one shopping mall. Entered a boutique and a salesgirl came to help me. Usually, I would prefer to shop without any help. I made an exception. It was her lucky day too, as I made quite a handful of purchases. Not forgetting my hamster, I headed for the petshop to buy him new toys. Reached home with big bags in my hands. Mum is still wondering why I am in such a good mood. Lol.

The Conventional Way

Ever since I knew the truth, it was tough to accept it. It was useless to pursue something, which won't belong to me. A sensible thing to do is forget about it and proceed on with my own life. My priority is to develop a career that I can be proud of. My busy work schedule had kicked in at the right moment. I had to immerse myself into overtime work to clear numerous audit queries. In the course of it, the audit manager whom reviewed my work had praises for my efforts. My mind didnt accomodate any unnecessary things, other than work matters. I express my gratitude to my family, friends and colleagues, who stood by me. Someone special to me also showed concern for me. She is going through a bad patch too. I was afraid that she would break down one day. I offered her any help if she requires it, but she is still fine.

As for Jo, I realised that she had found her new love. I wished her the best in her new venture. There was only one issue left hanging, which I am clueless about. Even if I do clarify, it wont be of much significance. A new lease of life awaits me.

The Truth Surfaced

Yesterday, I met her for later part of the day. She was well dressed, a different sweet personality which I havent seen before. Accompanied her to have her hair done up. I dozed off while waiting. When it was done, she woke me up with a big hit on my lap. In my sight was the ravishing hair highlighting, which suits her well. It's a pity that her profession didnt permit her to try out more extreme colours.

I asked her to watch a movie together at Plaza Sing. Unfortunately, it was not screening at both PS and the Cathay. Instead, we settled for dinner at a restaurant located in the basement on the Cathay. Simple and filling for both, plus a 10% discount. Followed by window shopping at Robinson and Takashimaya.

For the first time, I asked if she would like to drink some beer. We seeked out a place at China Square, recommended by her. Ordered a jug of beer to be shared with her. Perhaps, the drinking made us bolder and we shared our feelings. I popped the question if she developed any feelings for me ever since I stated my intent to court her. She shook her head sideways, and wished for us to remain as good friends. Uncontrollable tears wetted my eyes, as my slimmest hope was smashed. The reply wasnt surprising, but my heart couldnt cope with that sudden blow at that moment. I heard her story as well and shared her sorrows. I had more beer to drown my sorrows. In the end, I did see her home as usual despite my semi-conscious self. I was home drunk, with only my mind still clear about the happenings.

A song to ponder

在一个落叶风零的秋天
遇到我一生中最爱的人
从此以后她的样子把我整颗心灌醉
让我爱的那么汹涌那么真
多么希望她能给我一点真爱
多么希望她会过的快乐
多么希望我能给她一点点感动
可是老天却把感情捉弄
究竟我是怎么了怎么了
难道爱一个人真的有错吗
虽然爱一个人很苦
可我还渴望一点爱
我怎么了哭了吗
竟然爱她爱到那么施舍
痛的最后哭了以后也快乐

多么希望她能给我一点真爱
多么希望她会过的快乐
多么希望我能给她一点点感动
可是老天却把感情捉弄
究竟我是怎么了怎么了
难道爱一个人真的有错吗
虽然爱一个人很苦
可我还渴望一点爱
我怎么了哭了吗
竟然爱她爱到那么施舍
痛的最后哭了以后也快乐
我不想爱她
却是更加思念她
欠我的怀抱何时能还吗
欠我的怀抱何时能还吗
究竟我是怎么了怎么了
难道爱一个人真的有罪吗
或多或少给点安慰
哪怕慈悲的怀抱
算了吧忘了吧
陷的越深越无法自拔
宁愿自己守着伤悲
也快乐

L...O...S...T

How does a person feels when his feelings for someone is growing stronger day by day? When he eats, sleeps or does anything, he will think of her. Is it an indication of love to come? Will it make a difference if one is making an effort to make his dream come true? To make things work, it still takes two hands to clap. There might be a possibility that the eventual truth hurts.

Lost is a suitable word to describe my current feelings. There is a strong desire to win her heart one day. To develop a high level of trust between us, as both of us have more friends of the opposite sex. Hence, jealousy is inevitable but still manageable if we work things out. I enjoy every meeting with her and listening to everything about her life. I reciprocated with sharing my life experiences too.

How I wish I have the ability to foresee the future. Within my limits, I only plan for the future. Will I see light at the end of the tunnel?

3..2..1.. It's 2007

Based on past trends, the countdown to a new year is usually alone at home. This year, I never expect things to be different. She was finishing work around 9.45 pm last night. I waited for her at the usual pick up point. She agreed to go for satay at Lau Pa Sat, as I was craving for it. Heaven played a trick on us. Just when we started to eat, the rain starts to pour. We had to bring our food to seek for shelter inside the food court.

We took a stroll around Raffles place to get our food digested properly. There was a huge traffic jam along North Bridge Road, as we made our way to Esplanade. Everyone was in high spirits, in anticipation of the fireworks to welcome the new year. We sat on the pavement looking at the sky above Clifford Pier. As the clock struck 12 midnight, the clear sky was covered with fanciful fireworks, accompanied by loud cheers from the crowd. I felt that it was special to see fireworks with her beside me. Even though the dust from the fireworks had cleared, that moment with her will not be cleared from my memories.